A Toast. To You. To Me.

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To long lost dreams, passion, emotion, affection.

To those sacrificed, put away, ignored, surrendered, left, and hung out to dry.

To those moments of awakening and suffering, and the cycle of it.

To memories cherished and forgotten.

To people loved and hold dear.

To sweet beginnings and bitter endings.

To looking at life at a different perspective.

To being brave.

To continue trying.

To continue loving.

To continue believing.

To knowing that there are beautiful things and persons yet to discover and meet.

To courage and selflessness.

To giving a part of yourself to one person at a time.

And to continue to do so.

To the hope that fills you and embraces you.

To doing everything Still and In Spite.

To You. To me.

A Toast.

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Defying the Limits (I’ve Set For Myself)

And I don’t want to be the person who always looks back and asks myself,

What/Who could have I been?

Time to STEP OUT

VERGE INTO THE UNKNOWN

PLUNGE INTO THE DEEP

time to BE ALIVE!

Rock on!

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One Word. Struggling.

Because not all days are perfect and goes exactly the way I wanted it to be…

Because life truly has UPS and DOWNS

Because I refuse to give up and pity my self instead…

Because there are a lot of reasons life is worth living for…

Because I know it will all pay off in the end…

And because I am human, I acknowledge my weakness/flaws, and doing the right thing isn’t always easy…

I am proud to say, I am struggling..

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Joy Comes In The Morning!

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 PSALM 30:11-12

“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.

David is known to be a man after God’s own heart. He is close to God because he opens his heart before the Lord in all honesty. He admitted to committing adultery and murder (when confronted by prophet Nathan) and all of his other sins before the Lord without any pretensions. He is candid in what he feels – being sad, dismayed, broken, afraid or weary. This is why God delights in him, for he is able to show and bare his true self when he comes before the Lord. He is a king then but he didn’t hesitate being humble before the Lord when he needed Him. Chapter 30 of the book of Psalms is a song David made for the Lord where he goes to say that the Lord answered him in his cry for help and has turned his wailing into joy. What resonated with me here is when David asked of the Lord of what good does it make of his destruction or going down to the pit. (verse 9) It is as if David is reasoning with the Lord to help him because in that lowly state of his, he will not be able to give glory to the Lord. As he continues to ask in verse 9, will the dust praise the Lord or proclaim of his faithfulness?

I have been there in that moment of my life where it’s as if joy was totally sucked out of me. I have no excitement in waking up everyday and seeing the same things over and over. I have to get through the day and just feeling there wouldn’t be anything good in store for me. I dread the night because it makes me more lonely, so what I would do instead is watch endlessly videos and movies so that I’ll be able to sleep myself without crying. Months of me being like this passed and I am just turning into a perfect example of a zombie. Walking and living but DEAD inside. My sadness swallowed me until I become insecure, bitter, ungrateful, resentful, angry and empty. It was really hard and painful. (Looking back at myself right now as I type this, I couldn’t help but to feel bad for my old self and what I had to go through) I knew in all of me that I want to change and be happy again, but I can’t! I just can’t be happy again like before and this failure makes me sadder.

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I tried everything I could and nothing worked. NOTHING. Except for one thing, that is to call on to GOD. But I didn’t want to do this, because I have distanced myself from the Lord. To be honest, during that time, I resented the Lord. I blamed everything I am going through in Him. I was angry at Him for allowing me to be in that moment of my life. But one day I just gave up! I just couldn’t really take it anymore. And friends, if there’s one thing in life where giving up is equivalent to winning, that is Giving Up and Surrendering to the Lord! I stayed up late one night and just cried and talked to the Lord of what I am truly feeling and how sorry I am for all I did and how I wanted to be the person He has always called me. I prayed and the Lord answered my cry of help!

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But I knew it wasn’t an overnight thing. I had to do something in my part. I decided to change my habits, my thinking, the inclinations of my heart, to repent on my sins. I became physically active and restrained myself from frequent Internet usage. I decided to become happy and the Lord is with me through all of this! This was not easy as it sounds my friends. I have to overhaul my whole habits and lifestyle just so I can change! Old habits die hard they say… True, but it doesn’t mean it’s not doable. We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength! (Philippians 4:13) One by one, day by day, changes happened and even my family noticed it! The Lord restored me! I go to bed excited for tomorrow’s adventure. I am finally LIVING, and this time in God’s will! Like with King David, the Lord has removed my sackcloth – my lamenting/wailing phase – and has clothed me with joy!

MY APPEAL:

My friend, do not think this will not happen or will not apply to you. I have the same thinking back then. But YOU ARE NOT too low to be saved, not too far to be reached, not too sinful to be cleansed, not too proud to be humbled and not too unlovable to still be loved. I am telling you this, do not listen to anything that’s stopping you right now but listen only to the voice of the Lord. You know it, you feel it, you are being pulled to pray and speak to him. Do not resist, seize this time and talk to Him for He is truly WAITING TO HEAR YOU TELL HIM EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY. He will listen and not judge. He will comfort and not leave you hanging. He is not like us humans that will disappoint or betray you. Don’t mistake Him for someone who has done you wrong, who just used you then left you, someone who has broken you.. He is not that.. Trust me in this, but TRUST HIM MORE 🙂

MY PRAYER:

I pray Father, for anyone today who has read this post or is currently reading it and is suffering or struggling right now, may your love find them and embrace them. Fill their hearts with your love that You alone can satisfy. Not their earthly possessions, their cars, their jobs, their titles or glories, their attainments, their partners, their beauty, their money, their intellect – anything that builds up their ego or pride, none of this can ever make them happy. I pray Father that you move them to pray from the bottom of their hearts and confess to you what they truly feel, for it is only in this manner that they can be forgiven and release forgiveness – too others and also, to themselves. May you soften their hearts, remove any strongholds, and surround them with your love. This I pray, in the mighty name of Jesus Christ alone, Amen!

PS

If you wish to share your story/struggles/victory, do not hesitate to do so. My blog is all for inspiring, giving hope and love to everyone. 🙂

She Meets Light

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And a new light shines

a new light arises

one she has never seen before

one she has been waiting for

across the room, through the window

right through her soul

right through her body.

She awakes from her sleep

she awakes from her ‘consciousness’

and she vows

never again,

to sleep while living

never again,

to sleep in a dream

to dream in a dream

to awake in an endless dream;

but to see while living

to behold while seeing

to live not in her dreams

but to live in the present,

in her present,

and to await for the light everyday,

because in the light there is no darkness.

And she

will never be again,

who she was

before the light.